#2 Aspirations (20 sec reading:)

​There is one gateway to go through the path of your dream . And to end up at that gateway , is the search of what you really love in life . Most of them do get there , but its only few who dare to deal with the ways through which one can get into a paradoxical journey. Rest , either revert back or just stand at the gates feeling content , only to regret later , perhaps after years, to have not owned that little courage, that was needed to break through . And even among those who dare to enter just the gates of Paradise , shouldn’t come to the conclusion of attainment . What is just a beginning of a long ,enthralling,strenuous journey should never be confused with the end of it . Because it is from there , the journey of victory and failure begin.  It is from that point , the seeker finds his way through actions that redefine right and wrong in life . And right and wrong , is entirely on one’s personal choice of decision which is done completely depending upon one’s own instincts . What might seem perfect for you may entirely seem absurd to other .  Everything depends on what one is looking to endure and how long , can one keep his faith and hope , stirring around what his heart loves . And at the end , which never exists in the eyes of the journey , what becomes important is , how long was one able to keep that fire of love alive , along the path . 

#1 Aspirations(10sec reading:)

We are not the master of our actions because any action with an idea of preconceived accomplishmint in mind doesn’t really come out as a matter of fact in reality . It might be because a “single moment” , is affected by so many factors , that not only controls our surroundings but also our own thoughts . We make rules , and fall into trap of the same rules that we created . We can never teach the world because it was the world which gave us a chance to learn . So the more we start to control of something that also exhibit  the ability to control , you only end up being held , by your your own discernment. Actions finds it’s purpose only when it is done with free of all expectations . we must test our own fate by taking risks , but when pain springs up, we must not give them the power to takeover our brain . There was just a fault in the path , not in our destiny.

Time to trust upon time .

​It takes time . It really takes time to calm down every excitement of yours to settle down , for you were in an illusion for so long .But you have to move on and the journey must go on . Let time be the best healer of soul ,  because it is the patience , that is key to our success . You have endured more distresses in life , so you know , you can be more better than this . You are stronger than what you think of yourself . You have promised yourself , when you have promised someone else . So just be calm , as you always were . Take a deep breath and you will be fine. You still can go further  , because you have balanced it well till here.You know the feel of being fallen deeper and you were carefull this time . So it does takes time , but don’t take as longer as you have taken it last time . You cannot avoid the spiral staircase , but you can  alter your personnel power , and that’s the only gift . You cannot control but you can balance . You cannot escape but you can still manage to survive . And sooner you will be searching for something different , laughing at the same story , which now is pricking your soul . When others are speaking about their lives and you realize that even you have gone through something similar , you will have a smile that would come out of only wisdom and you will feel proud of yourself , because you were never atleast not one of those , who gave up with fear . Risk is something that is absolutely necessary , no matter how least time it works . It is only because people take risk , people reach where they actually deserve to be . life only gives you what you seek for . So , ask for happiness , though even that seems to be an illusion . Because the only truth which you consider to be the only one that exists  , also seems to be an illusion in the eyes of others . So don’t waste your time in fixing the truth at one point , because change is the only fixed truth of this universe . So it’s not the same tommorow . And common , even today is not as bad as you are thinking now . You are better than yesterday . And if the soul doesn’t agree with it , it is okay . We still have tommorow , and we still can hope . But then, lets wait !. All it takes is just time .

Get hurt by love, but never stop !

​I do feel like crying , but its just a small part of me .But moreover I feel happy , because I dared to tell that I love someone, when all the voices said , no don’t proceed with such a nasty decision . May be , I didn’t receive it back , but that expectation is always a trap . I had told myself so many times ,that I shouldn’t feel down if love doesn’t flow in other direction and come back to me  . I never want to make the same mistake again  , expecting anything from anyone other than two most beautiful feelings ever existed ,that is ,  faith and hope . I have changed through time and I no more want to be the same person again.
The fire of love which I always talk about do exist and a simple “NO” must not take away the sacredness which it holds . It should burn . And It should burn in a way it should . Not as bright as it would burn away all my lessons of love in the past and not as lesser to make me feel the loneliness .  I will go back , and I might cry , I won’t say no !, but then i will see the half completed novel on my table and realize I have more reasons to live . love is something with no full stop because there was never any beginning . And only when I realize this , I will be able to manifest into a different person .A person who I was not , yesterday and a person who I will not be , tommorow . I will not let the devils version of love ever win . Not because I gotta prove I am stronger than many people , instead because that’s the only way I can walk along my journey . I still have a lot to carry before I reach that unknown place which I have ever dreamt of , so I just don’t want to waste my time at this single point .  Journey goes on and with the hope of finding  Love . And what if I didn’t find it  out even at the end?. Well its better to die with a hope than to live hopeless . 

And I take this again

​May be its time for me to resume . About an year ago , I just gave up on blogging , and for the reason , which even I don’t know . But today I am giving into it again .

When I wrote my last blog , I was an engineering student . And today , I am doing my masters in media and communication . ‘ Yes ‘ , you heard it right , I chose to do my masters in arts field , being from a technical background . And i am sure ,the next question you would ask is why ? . And seriously , I really don’t know . But I am not the one who believe that , writers and poets are made in classes . I didn’t have any intension of becoming doctor when I took biology stream after my higher school studies . Neither did I had an intension of being a geek , when I chose computer engineering for my bachelor’s .But they both have thought me something to carry forward in life . And today when I choose to do my master’s in arts , I have no intension of learning how to write . I believe in originality , and i pray god that , I shall be who I am , in my words .  But I believe , I haven’t taken a wrong decision . There is something here , that I still gotta do . And for the many reasons , for which I am happy today , is because of those craziest decisions , I have made in my life . Three years before , I knew , I was not the one for technical institutes . And then I had planned to quit it then and there . But by then , I had completed my one year of engineering and I had lost one . So , to complete any bachelor degree , I had to go through three years again .So I thought of completing what I have allready taken . But I never allowed myself to be the victim of  getting accustomed to the pressure of life . I believe in something ,  and that is to find what we love . Age ,  past , and fate are just the reasons people give and they are never the barriers . Of course even if I would have chosen to work , with whatever knowledge I had gained till now , I would have still kept on searching for what I love . There are many routes to reach a destiny , but I believe in taking those routes  , which my heart tells me to take without giving any particular reason , irrespective of how hard or long it is  . 
And so , I take this up again.

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No matter whatever u run behind , if u want to achieve something , u will always have to first decide of something from which you have to run away from . So define your priorities first .

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Hope and actions are interconnected . Your actions justify your hope . Action defines this moment and hope follows it . So your last hope is something you should be acting upon now .

I don’t have to be smart , i just need to be happy

Three months ago i lost my smartness , on my college corridor , when my principal snatched my mobile ,while i was on a call with my friend. For a second , i became  too emotional, in fact i felt like crying . All students stood stunned watching the drama happening between me and my principal . I told myself , i am not gonna panic , i am going to get back my mobile soon. I decided to go to his chamber with an apology letter after my classes were over . So , now i had to sit for three long hours , without my love. I still remember the day, Aug 22. The nifty was down by 379 points. A total market crash after two years . I had sold few stocks too , on the basis of short selling . I had even placed an order to buy on  an assumption of a stock coming down to an expected price . But i had to wind up everything before 3.15 . If i failed to buy stocks which i sold when i had never owned them ,then i would have to pay a fine. As soon as i rushed into the class , i enquired if someone had a internet data in their mobile . Thankfully one of my friend had it . As soon as i got her mobile , i accessed my demat account  and found out , my orders were executed . This gave me a bit of relief, i was not losing money anymore . But i found it really hard to sit without my mobile . Every now and then i put my hands inside the pockets to realize i didn’t have my mobile inside it . I kept on telling myself , not to panic as i will be able to convince my principal . But this question , ” what if i am not able to convince ” , kept on irritating me . Isn’t this the biggest problems in everyone life , an instance of “what if ” . The unwanted choice that life gives us . If everything goes as we wish , then there is no need for us to fear . But we all know , life doesn’t always go in a way we want them to go . So, we decide to stick on to something called as hope , which is the very best choice that is available . Even i did the same . But i couldn’t concentrate on my classes and all teachers constantly called my name , as i seemed to be very depressed . Finally i decided not to attend the final hour . I went to a smoke shop behind my college and lit few cigarettes out of tension . I then decided to write an apology letter , something in which i have a lot of experience as i usually do it . I wrote the final sentence  as follows , ” and if i repeat the mistake , i shall be liable to any punishment in accord to the norms of this institution”. Well , how many times more , i will have to write that sentence , i wondered . As the final bell of college rang , i decided to pick my bag and go to his chamber.

I had to wait outside , for more than one hour . The peon who went in and out regularly , asked me to wait for some more time , as he was busy . I knew , he was lying . I was intentionally made to wait . I don’t mind too. If i get my mobile back , then i will be the happiest man for today . I finally went inside the chamber at around 7:15 in the evening . As soon as i went inside , i offered him my apology letter . And guess what happened next ? ….. He tore them without being read . What the hell? …He tore them?? A letter which i had written ? I didn’t feel bad , because he tore them , instead it was because , he didn’t even mind to read them . It was even okay if he hadn’t given back my mobile after reading them . Writer inside me , was really hurt  . He tore a letter which was appreciated by almost all the guys who read it . To add upon that , he scolded me for more than half an hour and i didn’t even hear a word of what he told . My mind was still on the words which i had written so passionately . Finally , i didn’t get back my mobile anyway .So i was left with only two more choices now , buy a new one or try out my luck again with principal ,  but this time , taking my dad along with me.

Before sticking on to first , i thought of giving a try to second choice . I have had a lot of instances when i had to take my dad to college because of the mischievous things , i used to do . Comparatively this incident was not actually a big deal . My dad was never a kind of a person , who believed in teachers rather than their own kids . He always analyzed the situation carefully and belted the one , who actually deserves . When the mistake was on my side , i used to frankly tell him , get scoldings and he would apologize on behalf of me, after i promise him , i am never going to repeat them again. And there are even situations when teachers got belted from my dad , when they tried to exaggerate the stories . So , i told him to request my principal on behalf of him .As usual , after i kept a promise , i will not use my mobile in college corridors , and he agreed to come . I was quite sure that i will be getting back my mobile this time . For some reason i always have a belief that , my college affairs will get settled when my dad gets involved in it . But then , even this time , it was ” what if” situation, that had the upper hand . Nothing went right or as what i had thought to be right . So is it the only choice  i am left out with me? . Well then , i had a big task of somehow arranging the money to buy a new one . There was no way , i was going to ask dad ,an another mobile . This is the third time , i am losing my mobile .

I started arranging money to buy a new one . But something really strange started happening . I started to love myself again . I didn’t have to worry about any calls from now on. I didn’t have to worry about the unimportant messages which i read just because i had nothing else to do . I didn’t have to keep myself awake till late night , doing a boring conversation . I did miss the absence of my mobile but moreover i was loving my own presence . Within ten days somehow i arranged money and decided to get back to my busy life , while something really unexpected happened . I heard the voice .
“Dude , what are you doing “, my own voice said .
This was the voice , that had guided me during my hard times . When the whole world had hated me, this voice within me always told me the value of hope, love and faith . It had thought me so many lessons in my life . It was because of this voice, why few people considered i was a good philosopher . This voice was everything for me , when i had lost everything . I was surprised to hear them back and moreover exited . The worlds best advisor had finally come to my rescue .So i decided to open up myself with this invisible psychiatrist . I needed help  and i thought of answering all the questions frankly , hiding nothing within my heart.
“i seriously don’t know”, i replied
“then why are you even doing it ?”, it replied.
I don’t know how , but that single sentence from my voice , itself restored a lot of faith.

I remember the resolution that i had made myself , when i was buying my last mobile . According to it, i should have bought my mobile , to read ebooks , write blogs , read articles , to watch videos that were related to my academics. But slowly after i bought it , i realized i cannot hold ebooks for a long time , as it strained my eyes and i never wanted to walk around with my spectacles on my eyes. Gradually ebooks app , became similar to books , which i keep in my library . The ones which i never read but never sell , because as a writer , i consider selling books are like disrespecting them. Similarly , my ebooks were never deleted but i never used them too . And  slowly i learned blogging was a good platform but only posting it there , i wont be able to reach lot of people . Because there are so many bloggers around the globe and so i decided to post short quotes whenever i got time, before writing paragraphs of blogs . And i did them occasionally , so even those apps were rarely used. I was not interested much in academics too as i had it 2 years back when i was in second year of engineering . So i gave up the idea of using my mobile for academics too.  But my mobile was on all the time i was awake , doing things which i never wanted to do . In a while , i also thought about investing . I installed the news apps and started reading news related to stocks all day and night . I installed few social networking apps , because i thought it would help me relax when i go deep into stocks. I started thinking of a start up. So i read as many articles on how to start a business . But wait!!! what was actually happening ? How did a philosophical writer suddenly started thinking about setting up a business? . It must be because either of the two reasons . Maybe because i thought i should be a responsible person or it must be because i started fearing for this world . Or it might be even because i started fearing the world and hence was trying to become responsible. Whatever happened , but surely , i had changed and i didn’t like a bit of what i was doing .I forcefully tried to love what i did , but i never could . And i did not want the feeling of not being loved by this world .So , i always tried to be busy . World really had to know how responsible i am . But deep inside my heart , i wished the lord to guide me .

And he did it , by making my mobile disappear in an unusual way . And before i repeat , all over again , he asked me to think . I had all anxiety within me  as i couldn’t deal with my stocks . I was running with a fear of being irresponsible.  what will i even do after my engineering which will get over in an year , kept me worried all the time . But for past few days from the day i lost my mobile , i was actually happy . I could wake up at 6 without hesitation , as i wasn’t doing my boring conversation previous night, asking questions like ‘what are you doing?’ , ‘had dinner?’ , when it was a common sense thing that someone is texting when they have to reply me and they would have surely had their dinner because it is around 12 in the mid night . I don’t have to check for any messages , so i enjoy my bath by dancing and singing . I don’t have  to check out my emails , so i enjoy my morning cigarette. I sit in the class and think of writing something in the last pages of my book , which i have been loving to do since i was in school. For the first two days , my friend whom i meet after the college , struggled to get in touch with me , as i had no mobile . But then , we actually got used to it . As soon as my college was over , we used to come to same spot where we always meet . And whenever either of them couldn’t come , we always found some other way to inform each other . My mom used to call me every evening when i had mobile , even though she always knew i was late to home . Probably because she feared , but when i didn’t have my mobile, people in my home were never worried of me, because they knew i usually come home late . We normally think , we get used to this world which is actually not true , its the world which gets used to us . We think we need to change because the world is changing , but the fact is we decide to change and from then entire world starts changing .

After my voice told me to enjoy the gift of solitude , i decided not to buy a mobile at least until i actually need it. I did not buy one ,for the next three months until my semester exams begun and i needed an handy electronic gadget to go through my study materials . But every day i lived without this so called smart mobile , i enjoyed it . I even started following my dreams . I went on to mountain all alone just to enjoy the breeze . I walked the paths when i didn’t know where it would lead to , just to explore new things . On my way to college , i started loving the tress and birds which i come across . And more than everything , i was walking all around with a feeling of something that i cannot describe with words . A feeling that one gets when we do what we actually want to do .A feeling that we get , when our soul doesn’t ask questions like , “why are you even doing this” .No matter how crazy i may seem to this world , but if i have to be happy with myself , i will have to completely accept with the perceptions of my feelings rather than my mind .

The reason why i believe in supreme power is because , the most unexpected things , that happened in my life , which i thought , were the worst moments , are the one’s , which thought me great lessons in future . If experiences go wrong in life , we got to try to take out wisdom out of it . Wisdom always has the ability to overtake our regret . If i look back and ask myself , what if i hadn’t had an experience of losing my mobile , then i guess i could have possibly  not forgiven myself . I would have gone in search of someone’s else duty in this world , later regretting for not doing my own duty . I just request God , the final thing . There may come some time in my life , when i start fearing and lose faith in you, but do what it takes , to restore them back .

I did my first sin , when I said ” I “

My first ever sin was that , I believed I do exist in this universe . That is when I started telling myself , how I have to enact in front of people . I started doing things not for myself , but i was sold to that me who thought me the meaning of pride . For pride I started losing my own image . I started wearing mask and Mask’s of different kind . If one mask depicted , how innocent I was , the other depicted a picture of that intelligent “I” . But none of those were my true self  . When I said I was strong by will , I knew I was fighting against those negative thoughts. When I  said to the world , I will achieve my dreams because I love it , I knew I had the fear of losing that love some day . In short , I was actually lying . But then …..! I was true to my heart . I was loyal to my desires . Desire which cannot be chose just because we have no choice . Desires can not eliminated , but it can be designed . We are all artists here and we design our soul every minute . We take the elements what feelsright for us and program ourselves . Even  saint is a part of this illusion . He desires to have no desire , and programs himself to live the life of his own perceptions. He spends his time meditating all time , trying to attain a picture of self , of what he believes as reality . In fact that is the only right mask , which we search for . One can never get rid of this masks unless and until he is alive . But we have a choice of choosing which mask we got to wear . The mask which we choose is what makes us unique and that is what we believe as our self . I may not be able to eliminate that ” I ” from me , but I can choose a lifestyle of how that  ” I ” want to live in this world.

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Don’t be a puppet in the hands of puppets. They are all puppets around you , and that is the reason they want to bring you down . They want to you to lose , just because they have lost to themselves .